The Dunya and the Nafs.

by Rami Mahmoud Elsawah

The boat was sinking. Drowning more likely. The wave of flesh after flesh, desire after desire -- entering the heart, weighing it down with the heavy burden of the displeasure of Allah. The ship couldn't have taken much more. It would soon sink and fall to the depths of the ocean. Heavy, distraught, and enveloped in darkness over darkness, the ship was very close to sinking. Then, a sheikh came to talk...

THE PREQUEL

"When ye turn away from them and the things they worship other than Allah, betake yourselves to the Cave: Your Lord will shower His mercies on you and disposes of your affair towards comfort and ease." (Surat Al-Kahf 16)

The journey back to America was a conscious decision, although it seems I didn’t really know what I would be getting myself into. But as you will see, at least I learned what the big craze is about. What craze? Marriage of course.

SOUL WARS

If Makkah was the surgery of the soul, Egypt was the recovery stage. This was the chance for the soul, after the abuses of living twenty years in the West, to reinvigorate itself. I would dare say that everyone today in the world, except those living in the villages of third world countries, suffer from the abuse fo the dysfuntction of the West. Whether or not they are willing to admit it, can even see it, or simply deny it, everyone is affected. Don’t make me prove it, just believe it when I say it.

“And keep thy soul content with those who call on their Lord morning and evening, seeking His Face” (Surat Al-Kahf 28)

One of the things I learned early on were that the best of friends are the ones who remind you of Allah subhanna wa taala. My close friend and teacher Ustdaah Ahmed Hasan and our daily talks surrounding hadith, qu’ran, fiqh, science, theology, and life in general actually pushed us both for the betterment of our souls. This is what a true friend is.

“…And let not thine eyes pass beyond them, seeking the pomp and glitter of this Life;” (Surat Al-Kahf 28)

At this time in Egypt my gaze was down more than it had ever been down before. Doing so was easy because I was slowly and slowly building my zuhd (asceticm). It was not a struggle to look away but rather a natural reaction, like seeing cars on the road while you're driving and then focusing your eyes back on the road. The parable of a ship traveling through the seas of dunya on it’s way to meet Allah subhanna wa taala. The occasional accidental look was no more than a small wave bumping the side of the ship; gone in a second and without affecting the ship. And in fact, every glance was truly accidental.

And then one time, for just one second, that accidental glance took too long. It was an observation. It was just one second, but the effect was felt.. It brought desire back into the picture, DESIRE! -- That nafsanistic thing that can potentially disease the heart. Water had gotten onto the ship! Outside of the ship is fine…inside is dangerous.

Yet Alhamdullilah, living in the Fatimid district of Cairo (also called Islamic Cairo) ,it’s hard for your nafs to get the best of you if you’re keeping it in check. This is the area where Imam Shafii came to set up his school, this is where Salaheldin built his citadel and governed his empire, this is where masjids tower over the horizon. So like a flicker of a candle the desire quickly went out. You see in a place where women are dressed in skirts down to their ankles, sleeves down to their wrists, and veils over their hair, whether they are doing it for cultural reasons or religious reasons, it’s hard for the nafs to stay aboard. Especially when your will is on gaurd, and so you have your full time crew on hand to bucket out the water. . I mean think about it, what’re you going to do? Check out that hottie’s wrists?!

So you hear the adhaan on your way home, make your way to the house of Allah, and check your nafs at the door.

THE DUNYA STRIKES BACK

“….nor obey any whose heart We have permitted to neglect the remembrance of Us, one who follows his own desires, whose case has gone beyond all bounds.” (Surat Al-Kahf 28)

Now fast forward now to life back in the States. I had come back to America, went back again for Hajj and spent a month or so in Egypt, and then came back again, only to realize that I haven’t spent a summer here since I left.

But the boat is traveling unharmed through the ocean. I still could care less about half the things in the dunya, I still look at every three dollar coffee as a waste of money and as a means to feed a family of five for a week, and if the accidental glance happens to happen, I just ignore it and move on.

Then, it happened.

Flesh!!…Flesh!!…Flesh!! …Flesh!!…Flesh!!… Everywhere!!!

What was going on?

How could I get away from it?

You see, Rutgers Newark’s campus is so small I might as well have just locked myself in a room with a bunch of seductive women and just given up all hope. Looking left I see thighs, then looking right I see chests, looking down I end up running into poles, and looking up I run into walls.

Wave after wave began crashing into the boat. The captain is struggling to get through the waves, the crew is flushing out the water as quickly as they can, and then…and then… the tsunami hit. The ship began taking on water. There’s only so much the ship could take.

You see, everything is fine as long as you don’t let the nafs enter your heart. This is why we try to be as ascetic as possible. A little break in the structure of a ship, if not sealed up, can bring down the entire ship. Look at the Titanic.

“Then, for such as had transgressed all bounds, And had preferred the life of this world, The Abode will be Hell-Fire;” (Surat Al-Naziat 79: 37-39)

And so desire came in. This time with no masajid seconds away to purify it, no adhaans five times a day to soften the heart, no modesty in the environment to quell the fire. This was going to be a battle of the worst kind, a scorched earth battle. Either it would take me down completely or I would have to take it down completely. No quarter would be given, no cease-fires, no rules of engagement. This was not a war of attrition, it was a war of destruction.

At least now I understand what the marriage craze is all about.

Because of this desire, I call this the late summer months of “I need to get married.” This is what I would ask my sister: How can I get married soon? Who am I going to marry? How will I pay for this marriage? Do you think that girl is good? How about this one? What about her? Man, I need to get a job -- so I can get married. I need marriage. When? Where? How? Who?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I was going mad with marriage!

RETURN OF THE EMAN

“And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower desires, Their abode will be the Garden.” (Surat Al Naziat 79: 40-41)

I began to think to myself…am I not just replacing desire with desire? Wasn’t I doing fine before this urgent “need” to get married? If I get married out of lust, and out of a desire to get rid of desire…then I never really got rid of desire. Which means, thinking logically, that the quelling of desire will only last as long as she is able to meet those needs. So what happens when your wife isn’t so attractive anymore? Do you just look for something else – another, younger wife to replace, or “get rid” of your desire?

After all, eating that yummy cookie doesn’t get rid of your desire to have sweets. It just fulfills the desire temporarily, and you will continue to want cookies. If you truly want to stop eating sweets, you have to abolish the desire altogether. Then, eating an occasional cookie is a treat and not a desire you quell your cravings.

EPILOGUE

“"Our Lord!" (they say), "Let not our hearts deviate now after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thine own Presence; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure. Our Lord! Thou art He that will gather mankind Together against a day about which there is no doubt; for Allah never fails in His promise."” (Surat Al-Nisa 8,9)

I was becoming desperate. At times, I thought I was going to lose this battle. I thought I was doomed to the life of a hypocrite, to the life of one who cannot see the Akhira and lives his life by giving into the life of the dunya. Nothing, AT ALL, is worse then the displeasure of your Sustainer and Lord. And how can you meet your Lord when the dunya becomes more important to you than the Akhira? You must always think…what do you think about more? What do you make your dua for more? The dunya or the akhira?

Then alhamdullilah, a sheikh came all the way from Egypt to talk for an hour after Isha at my masjid and would soon travel to other masjids in the area for a week. That was all. No fundraising, no presentations, no non-governmental organizations. He just came to talk for an hour, to bring us back from the life of the dunya. He used the example of a fan. When you turn it off, the fan doesn’t just stop suddenly. Instead, it keeps spinning until finally…eventually…it stops. This is the same with our lives. We are so much involved in our lives in the dunya that when briefly exit it the dunya through our Salaat (when we turn off the fan), everything begins to pour out of our souls and the fan keeps pushing it out. The shopping lists, the exams we have, the wedding preps (Justoju), the stress at work. Our souls simple can’t handle that much dunya. He gave the parable of a ship sailing through the sea of dunya. We must work and live in this life (sail through the seas), but as long as the water stays outside of the ship, we will be fine insha Allah.

And so I just cooled down. For one hour the fan stopped winding and I just remembered Allah (subhanna wa taala). I felt myself coming back to the only life that was important, the life of the Akhira.

Remember the Meccan surgery. When you’re there you don’t care about anything in the world. Your focus is on Allah subhanna wa taala and the akhira. You cannot cry in your real life, but you can cry like a baby in Mecca. There, you’ve turned off the fan, docked the ship, and work on your soul. The world is not important when your're in Mecca. If you go there and leave, you should leave your nafs and desires behind. Go there to purify yourself and come back with a heart that does not even bother with the things of the world. Then, when you start to get back in the grind, at least you know what it is like and what you should strive to regain in your eman.

So the ship briefly docked at the masjid, made its repairs, and is floating and sailing high again Alhamdulliah. Of course, an addition to the crew in the future would always be desired insha Allah. This time, not as an extra hand to patch up the ship, but to make an even better and stronger ship that will sail easily to the shores of the Akhira unharmed insha Allah.

Thank you for reading such a long article.

May Allah guide us all to the straight path and keep our desires for His Face.

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