It was hard to imagine that just hours ago,the city before Muhammad was full of life.Now the heavy darkness had settled upon the the proud buildings and silenced them.A dog barked,stirring him from his reverie.As the chilly wind howled outside,Muhammad felt secure in the warmth of his room.He watched a lone car drive by and let his thoughts drift off again...where was that car off to? He would never know.Would its passengers be heading to some action that would please Allah? Or would they be inviting the wrath of Allah? He thought of the youth,who at this very late hour on a Saturday night,were visiting rave clubs? How many of them were popping drugs into their mouths? How many of them were commiting zinaa? How many of them were his very own brothers and sisters in Islam? He couldn't bear to think about it.An urge rose up in his chest.He relented,but just for a moment.His heart ached with sadness and the warm,salty tears consoled him.

An ambulance siren whirled it's monotone somewhere in the distance.

Muhammad froze.

That sound...so familiar,so accusing.With it came all those images that he had buried deep in the recesess of his mind.They came rushing back to him now,faster and faster.He felt himself being hoisted into the Ambulance that night.He vaguely remembered the events before he had passed out : his father's terrified expression,the urgency in the actions of the paramedics,the frightened look of the friend that had found him lying in the gutter,his mother softly crying and whispering..."Muhammad how could you do this to me?.."

He tried to block them out.That was from a different life.That wasn't Him.It was some monster that had posessed his soul.More tears...who was he kidding,of course that was him.Nothing could change that.His sobs grew deeper...Astaghfirullah,it was him.He who had caused so much of suffering to his own flesh and blood.He stared at his hand.It trembled.Had he once had the audacity to lift this very hand and strike his own mother? The look on her face he would never forget.The shock,the hurt...It would haunt him till his dying day.Even though she had reassured him over and over again that it didn't matter,she had forgiven him.But he knew she could never erase that moment from her life.It would be a lifelong stain to remind her of what her son once was.That was so long ago,but he could remember it as if it had just been yesterday.He was a monster,he'd always be a monster! The filth he had subjected himself to,only he was to blame.He shouldn't have survived! He didn't deserve to live.He should have been destroyed by the very thing that had caused him to injure so many others.They should have left him in the gutters where he belonged.How would Allah ever forgive him?

Suddenly he felt restricted in his self pity.He wanted to continue to fall into self disgrace,to curse himself,to damn himself,but something was lifting him out of it. A voice seemed to emanate from his very soul.So subtle,so pure.It seemed to embrace him.Such a beautiful feeling...

Is your sin more than the mercy of ALLAH?

Muhammad was stunned.

Does not Ar-Rahman look with mercy at those who repent?

Muhammad listened.

Where is your faith in Allah The Exalted! You claim to Believe in HIM,yet you think of your Lord to be so Unmerciful,so Unkind,that when his servant turns sincerely to HIM,ascribing no partner to HIM,that HE would still not accept it? He HIMSELF is an assurance of this.Do you not believe your Creator to be most The Forgiving?The Most Merciful? The Most Loving? You lived a life of sin,if Allah had not loved you,he would have left you in your pit of hoplessness.He would never have shown you the straight path.He has brought you out from the darkness into the light.Thank HIM for that.Love HIM for that.Do not despair,your Rabb is here to help you when you fall,to support you when you stumble,to guide you when you are lost...Just turn to HIM...HE is waiting...

Muhammad's tears stopped.He became aware of his breathing.So Rythmic...so reassuring.He had not died when everyone else had given up all hope.He had beat the odds.Allah did not let him die a disgraceful death.Subhanallah....the tears welled up in his eyes again.This time they were in gratitude towards his Rabb.He did not deserve to be breathing right now,yet every breath reminded him that, indeed,he was still alive.He had forgotten Allah,but Allah had not forgotten him.Alhamdulillah...words of praise for His Creator fell from his lips.Allah had given him a wake up call.How else would he have took that first step away from the path of evil,towards the Straight Path? It was all part of Allah's plan.

He knew then,that Allah was there with him,closer to him than his jugular vein.Allahu Akbar...HE had never left him.Allah had loved him when his disgusting actions had provoked his own flesh and blood to hate him.

Allah had given him a second chance...He would not dissapoint His RABB this time.