by Rami Mahmoud Elsawah
It is interesting to watch Egyptian soap operas, not for any other reason than to see the haggard old ladies with tons and tons of Barbie-doll makeup and 80’s style hairdos convinced in their mind that they are the hottest stuff in the world. It’s really quite ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is that, as my mother tells me, many of these actresses were once very beautiful fashion models. Obviously they couldn’t live with the realities of aging. And so rather than aging gracefully, they pretend to be twenty year old hotties in grandma’s ol’ baggy body.
Now, it’s interesting to note that the most beautiful older women I have seen will admit that they did not wear makeup throughout their lives. Could it be that their beauty in old age comes from the pride and strength they have knowing that they need no exterior products to make them look beautiful? Or could it be that the eyeliner, mascara, foundation, and lipstick all damage the skin which they are put on, aging the person seeking to wear them for beauty? A case of short-term vs. long-term effects, no doubt.
Did you know that ancient make-up also used to be ancient poisons? One simply needed to go through their wife’s stash of make-up to kill their enemy. It seems that in the same respects, make-up and the false sense of beauty is poison that is killing our people today.
Who is the Real Hottie?
For some reason, the normal guidelines of what catches my eye are not what they used to be. Mind has to overcome emotion. Mind has to overcome desire. Zen must be achieved to overcome the hottie.
One must ask himself why he sees that passing beauty as a ‘beautiful’. The initial response cannot be trusted. It is an effect of emotion charged with hormones created to affect the primal response of reproduction. The mind is what sets us apart from the animals. Blocking our emotional and physical reactions with mental outputs of “NO! NO! NO!” will prevent you from falling into the trap…the hottie trap.
For in actuality, the real hottie is the one who is usually the least noticed. Modest, kind…her features are not marked out with a crayon and highlighter for the notice of all mankind. They are subtle, precious. Treasures only to be found by the treasure hunters, unknown to the masses too oblivious to notice.
The real hottie is one who, if you were to wake up next to her (married of course), you would find as attractive in the crusty-eyed morning as you would in the afternoon. You would wake up to the smell of “Allah’s natural creation” rather than Hugo Boss or Calvin Klein. You would find her as stunningly beautiful at sixty years old as you found her at twenty.
You would love her.
Because you would have found your TRUE beauty. Your TRUE hottie.
After all, a woman in most cases is a walking lie (as Chris Rock would put it). She’s got make-up on - she doesn’t really look that good. She’s got high heels on - she’s not really that tall. She’s got perfume on - she doesn’t really smell that good. Men are deceived by the workings of the female hand. It’s like the belly-dancing seductress that lures you with her waving hips and sumptuous bosoms only to find out later that she has bucked teeth and a voice like a man. Beware the temptress that is the woman. When you see her hair, think Medusa. When you see her body, think trouble. When you see her beautiful face, think of the biggest migraine you have ever seen. Think of high blood pressure, overspent credit cards, shopping for hours at Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s - the Musak about to tear your head into pieces, the shallow discussions of how so-and-so is such a $%$^&! because of such-and-such a minor reason, the endless hours of ‘putting on her face’ before going anywhere, the headaches…the SHOPPING!
Think of what happens when the glitter comes off.
Looks are deceiving my bros. Don’t fall to the deception of the hottie. The real women of your dreams is waiting somewhere under the protecting wing of her loving father. He protects her for a REASON. Go after the REAL beauty of your dreams.
The Refined Muslim Style
GQ brothers, some annoying lessons from your brother:
Your body contains natural pheromones. Unless you stink…Calvin Klein isn’t gonna help too much. Natural oils are nice if you find something you can’t resist. But don’t put too much…women have greater olfactory senses then men, so just a little dab will do it.
Men, you who Allah has created you. If you define yourself by brand names and logos you might as well just give up ALL of the uniqueness that you may have. If you want to be you, then be YOU. If you want to be number 1 of 6 billion you can be that too. Don’t wear logos. Don’t be a walking advertisement. Just be you.
Take martial arts classes, because muscles don’t make anyone tough. It will give you a natural confidence and girls will like that.
…And before you curse me out
Salaams, and be cool.
May Allah grant us guidance
AssalamuAlaikum,
Awww man, just when I thought I had managed to forget Chris Rock's routine, its all back in my head again...this sucks...but the part that you quoted about everything about a woman being a lie is actually one of the true'est things that he has ever said. Its a very valuable point and I am glad it was brought up.
"Modest, kind…her features are not marked out with a crayon and highlighter for the notice of all mankind. They are subtle, precious. Treasures only to be found by the treasure hunters, unknown to the masses too oblivious to notice"
Wow. That hottie is pretty hot...
"Your body contains natural pheromones. Unless you stink…Calvin Klein isn’t gonna help too much."
I hear that showering can help.
"Don’t wear logos. Don’t be a walking advertisement."
Truer words could not have been said. Look, when you wear a logo you are paying some corporation so that you can walk around publicizing for them and making them more famous and better known. Somehow, those son of onions, found a way of getting inside the heads of the masses and brainwashing them to believe that by wearing their logo they arent really 'advertizing' for the corp.--but are instead once and for all proving to the world and themselves that they are 'cool' and 'well-off'. The more insecure the man, the more dependent he is on logos. For men who wear logos, if you are looking for someone superficial then the logo might do the trick. If you are looking for something different then know that a logo can be a huge turn-off for women who see the truth behind the hype.
Think of it this way, when we say that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, what does that really mean on a practical experiential level?...something to really lock yourself up in a dark room and think about.
...Beware the worship of self and the worship of those things in creation which make the self feel secure/powerful/important. There is no security but with Allah. There is no power except Allah. And NOTHING is important beyond His essence and your striving to please Him for His sake.
We are too attached to meaningless delusions, to false cause-effect connections, to the veils that come between us and Him. One doesnt need physical idols to become a polytheist.
WasalaamuAlaikum
A poem...on similar topic, in simple words, and QUITE insightful... from
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/seekingthepathtojannah/message/227
Its titled "A Man's Trail"
on December 25, 2004 4:24 AM"A poem...on similar topic, in simple words, and QUITE insightful... from
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/seekingthepathtojannah/message/227
Its titled 'A Man's Trail'"
YOU'RE ON THAT E-MAIL LIST, TOO? I LOVE THAT LIST!
"GQ brothers"
i just love not being a "GQ brother" and being a "hasn't-Trimmed-His-Facial-Hair-In-Days" brother.
GO H.T.H.F.H.I.D. BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on December 25, 2004 2:04 PMAs salaamu alaikum
I wonder if it's just me that finds it insulting that a Muslimah be referred to as 'hottie'...Good article though, masha Allah
was salaam
on December 25, 2004 3:56 PMwa alaikum as salaam plz make Dua 4 me,
no, you're not the only one :)
on December 25, 2004 5:20 PMI dont think Rami meant to refer to any Muslimah as "hottie" as the way the word is commonly understood. He should have put quoations marks around the word hottie, like this "hottie".
What I think he means as explained in the article, is that the true "hottie" sister, or the sister that is supposed to attract us, should be modest and pious in nature. And we shouldnt only looks at superficial appearances and considered them to be "hottie", only basing this on looks.
For example he says
"For in actuality, the real hottie is the one who is usually the least noticed. Modest, kind…her features are not marked out with a crayon and highlighter for the notice of all mankind."
And then he finishes off this section by saying
"Because you would have found your TRUE beauty. Your TRUE hottie."
He says you would have found your true "hottie" meaning the girl you are truly, permanently attracted to. Because true, permanent attraction is much different than temporary, lustful attraction which is usually only based on superficial appearances.
I really dont mean to offend any sister or anyone in any way. But I think sometimes when we read stuff on the internet, we may take them the wrong way because we cannot truly express the way we would in real life.
Just a thought :)
Walikomaslaam
on December 25, 2004 5:37 PMAsalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarkatu
Jazzaka Allah kulla khair for the defense Hamayun.
Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarkatu
Br. Gillette- Dont ever drink coffee again.
And I have been part of that list for a while. I keep reading emails, plan to post them on Hidaya, and then realize that you already did. I felt so happy when I was able to get that poem in before you.
Sister of the daughter -I thought the word hottie was appropriate. I think the type of muslimah that br. Rami described is a TOTAL hottie...despite my being a woman, I find myself attracted to her on a spiritual level...I think that people who are that hot just generally attract across genders. Physical union of two bodies can only happen between a man and a woman, but spiritual union does not have any gender bounds.
I fell in love with a soul-friend today :).
For her: I know you are going to read this and I want you to know that I am forever grateful for our getting lost together--on the road, in insights, and in divine reflection. If you were a man I would have proposed to you already and begged you on my knees to please marry me...but then, actually, that whole situation would have been pretty haram and I prolly wouldnt have gotten to know you if I were a man...
I guess we will just have to settle for that polygamous relationship so that we can be together :)
on December 26, 2004 2:27 AMas salaamu alaikum
Thanks bro Humayun...Yeah, i totally understand the comparision bro Rami's trying to make and I'm not really criticizing the use of the word...but for me on a personal level - i guess the western connotative shadows of the term still tower over me...Quotation marks would've been more appropriate , but it's not a big issue.
take care
was salaam
Wow, I just had an interesting polygamy-related insight after fajr dua. I was thinking about which circumstances would be the most conducive to polygamy and where it would cause the least amount of difficulty for the wife...and then I thought of my soul-friend :)...and it occurred to me that polygamy would work really well in situations where the two women are more interested in each other's companionship than they are their husbands, and are really only using him as a mahram to take them for religious study and to support them while they study...and then I had an even more interesting thought...going back to how the physical is limited and the spiritual is unlimited, if two people each had a physical/emotional connection to a third person and both had to share this physical and emotional commodity with one another, there would def. be lots of room for jealousy...because you are dealing with limited resources like time, money, emotional release, and sexuality. BUT when you make the main focus of the relationship a spiritual one, where all three people can sit, reflect, meditate, and bond together by basking in each other's spiritual light, THEN there is no room for jealousy. Each person in the trio becomes equally and mutually important to the other two because it is understood that the spiritual commonwealth is only increased and developed in each other's suhba.
on December 26, 2004 6:57 AMAsalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,
"...the two women are more interested in each other's companionship than they are their husbands, and are really only using him as a mahram to take them for religious study and to support them while they study."
That makes us feel so cheap....
That poor man.
Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu
Kind of the way most women feel when they realize that a 'typical' man's main agenda in marriage is physical and that they are being married for looks?
Men dont realize how hard that reality is on women. For a woman who prizes her nonphysical attributes more than her physical, it is quite saddening for her to have to repeatedly see one man after another completely missing the 'point' of her being and doggedly focusing on things that she sees as completely meaningless in her perception of self.
You pay one woman a physical compliment and she will be flattered. You pay another woman a physical compliment and she will feel cheap and misunderstood. It depends on what each woman prizes the most in herself and what defines her sense of purpose.
Oh yeah, we ALL like physical compliments...we just dont want that to be the first and primary compliment :)
on December 26, 2004 8:16 AM"Br. Gillette- Dont ever drink coffee again."
I've never drank/drunk coffee.
I'm naturally that hyper.
In a related story, I was with two brothers, and one of them said that the other brother and I were acting like we were drunk.
WE DON'T NEED NO SHTINKIN' INTOXICANTS!
on December 26, 2004 8:34 AM"He [Muhammad Ali] looked me [Hana, his daughter] straight in the eyes and said, 'Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them.' He looked at me with serious eyes. 'Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.'"
From "Introduction" excerpted from "More Than a Hero : Muhammad Ali's Life Lessons Presented Through His Daughter's Eyes" by Hana Yasmeen Ali
on December 27, 2004 7:10 PMAsalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu
Jazzakum Allah Kull Khairun to the one who posted it on 'The List'
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/seekingthepathtojannah/message/235
Interesting background/picture too. I love how "The Hottie Sister" title passionately glimmers with shining colored stars illuminating the wonder of that hottie sister..
Wasalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarkatu
Assalaamualykum, i'm Sister Shaz, Moderator of "the List"..lol...i've been a silent reader @ hidayaonline for quite a while now, taking ur posts now n then,and putting them on my list...
I just love this site, Subhanallah, always refreshes me...alhamdulillah for this site..
to all the writers of Hidayaonline,"MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU MAGNIFICENTLY FOR ALL YOUR EFFORTS AND INCREASE U ALL IN ELOQUENCE AND THE BEAUTY OF UR WRITING SKILLS"...this is the first time i'm commenting here, coz u all were mentioning "the list" lol..fi amaan ALLAH
AssalamuAlaikum,
Like worlds colliding :).
Thanks for the list sister Shaz.
WasalaamuAlaikum
on December 29, 2004 6:38 PMhttp://www.townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/dp20040217.shtml
Why young women are exposing themselves: Part one
Dennis Prager
February 17, 2004
You may have noticed that many young women wear less, and more sexually provocative, clothing in public than they did a generation, or even 10 years, ago.
It is easier to notice, however, than to explain.
But explaining it is crucial to understanding what has happened to men and women in the last 40 years and where male-female relations are headed. Women exposing their bodies in public is a big deal. Playing with the sex drive, the most powerful force in nature, is far more dangerous than playing with fire. Even if one welcomes this development -- and for the record, as a male I am turned on, while as a man I am turned off -- it begs for explanation.
I will offer at least five reasons that may be less obvious but more important than the valid ones usually given -- peer pressure, women buy what stores sell and the sexual revolution.
The first is "equality."
By equality, I do not mean the belief that men and women are equal human beings, a belief that all decent people hold. Rather, I mean the feminist and politically correct definition of equality: sameness. Men and women have come to be regarded as the same, not simply as equals.
Thanks to feminist doctrines that pervade education from kindergarten through graduate school, men and women increasingly believe that the sexes are largely identical. Therefore, the arenas wherein women can feel and demonstrate their feminine distinctiveness have narrowed appreciably.
By showing more of their bodies, women can announce that they are women. There are other ways young women can publicly demonstrate their distinct female identity -- for example, by wearing feminine clothing and other feminine behavior, being a wife, being pregnant and being a mother.
But those ways are increasingly ignored, deferred and discredited. Among egalitarians, being a wife is no different a role than that of husband, and motherhood is no longer regarded as distinctively female. Husbands and fathers are supposed to play identical roles, and because of the movement for gay equality, mothers have been declared unnecessary -- two fathers, most well educated people now contend, are every bit as good for a child as a mother and a father.
So, for the young woman for whom marriage, pregnancy and motherhood are remote or even undesirable given the anti-traditional education she has received, her primary vehicle of proclaiming she is a woman is literally to expose the fact.
A second, related, reason is the death of femininity.
In the past, expressing one's femaleness was done through expressing femininity. In addition to the female roles of wife and mother, there were numerous ways of doing so. One was, of course, dress. But in the name of equality and comfort, distinctive female dress -- such as dresses and skirts -- has been largely abandoned. A young woman who wore a dress or even a skirt and blouse to a college, let alone high school, class would probably be considered stranger by her peers than one who wore a see-through top.
Today, instead of women wearing feminine clothing, they either wear essentially male clothing (such as pants and pants suits) or flesh-baring sexually provocative clothing. Feminine attire -- i.e., clothing that is very female but not very revealing -- is rare.
Femininity was also expressed by sexual reticence. Again, such a notion is laughable in much of contemporary society. The idea that a man made great efforts to be allowed sexual contact with a woman rendered women feminine in men's eyes. They are different from us -- they are feminine. Women who act as sexually available as a man -- through their behavior or their dress -- are not perceived as feminine, since they are perceived as being male-like.
Likewise, the myriad ways in which men treated women as women -- such as opening doors for them -- all declared that women were feminine, i.e., different from masculine. That is why many feminists opposed men opening doors for women -- it reinforced notions of femininity, a value that feminism has sought to extinguish.
So, femininity is largely a dead concept. Ask most young women -- or men -- what it means, and you will get either a blank stare or a hostile reaction.
Thus, many women are now saying: "I am a woman. And I will declare it in one of the only ways left to me -- I will show you my female body."
on December 29, 2004 6:41 PMShaz? are you Nihad's younger sister? Illinois?
on December 29, 2004 8:40 PMAssalaamualaykum,
No Sis Ibtisam, I ain't Nihad's younger sister...:) I am the only child...
Not Illinois, Bahrain!!!(Where Br. Talal comes 4m... )